In honor of VanillaWare’s latest....erm....generous offering, we present to you a list of seven of the most shameful games anyone can ever be caught playing. The levels of shame are varying, of course, as are the reasons for that shame, but being caught playing any one of these games can leave you embarrassed and begging for forgiveness.
1. Kirby’s Epic Yarn
This one could get your man-card revoked, depending on who catches you playing it. Never mind that it’s a fantastic platformer with a fun and original art style reminiscent of Little Big Planet. The narrator, art style, and story make this game come across as the ultimate soft and cuddly game for kids, and that’s all anyone is going to see. You may as well be caught playing Imagine Party Babyz. At least that could be passed off as a joke. I guarantee you wouldn’t have as much fun though.
Yeah okay, so it’s cute and cuddly. It’s still a great game though.
Based on the quality of the game itself, I’ll give this a caught crying at a movie that’s legitimately sad on the shame scale.
2. Bayonetta
Bayonetta might be the best game on the list in terms of actual gameplay, which also makes it the easiest to explain to people when you’re playing it. Yes, Bayonetta is a sexy librarian built like a barbie, whose hair serves as her skin-tight clothing but can be used to summon demons, leaving her nearly naked. Yes, there are gratuitous close-ups of her boobs, butt, and even her crotch. Yes, she walks with a ridiculous butt-shaking swivel of her hips. BUT, it’s a fun and visually-interesting (not just because of the butt-shots) game that does have plenty going for it beyond Bayonetta’s vital statistics, so this one just sneaks into the list.Again saved by the quality of the gameplay itself, Bayonetta just barely tips the shame scale at a rating of a small fart on a first date.
3. Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers
This is one I almost picked up, and would still consider picking up if i could find it for like $5, but I know I’d get a lot of dirty looks for playing it, and it’s probably not worth the money anyway. A bunch of sexy digital ladies running around in skimpy outfits and fighting zombies has just enough classic horror campiness to make me want to try it, but probably not enough to really convince people of the old “so-bad-it’s-good” argument. It’d be a hard sell convincing people I’m not just a perv. I’m so much more than that.
It’s actually very practical when you think about it. The less clothing you wear when fighting zombies, the easier your laundry will be.
Starting to get into the thick of things now, Onechanbara rates a respectable I’m still using myspace on the shame scale.
4. Cho Aniki
The classic “what the fuck” series, Cho Aniki will embarass the hell out of you with its abundance of muscular men in speedos and its flat-out weirdness. If Alan Ginsberg wrote Dadaist poetry and that poetry inspired a series of games, that series would be Cho Aniki.Despite its cult status as one of the most infamously mind-boggling games ever, Cho Aniki ratchets it up to a shameful boner at recess on the shame scale.
Yeah...this is normal.
